(Pic: A compass with no discernible directions (D3OL 2023))

A concept that has continued to live in my mind is life being a marathon of sprints. To better understand, imagine someone sprinting. When there is no energy left in their system, they slow down to catch their breath and once they have collected themselves, they go back to sprinting. I think this concept resonates with me because I feel as though that is how I have been treating my life recently.

At the start of my college career, I was a very chill and lax person. At some point, a switch occurred, and I have been on my grind ever since. Whether it is taking 7 classes and holding an internship at the same time or studying a new subject in 3 days for the sake of an exam; I have been putting in the work.

Recently, I have found myself being disoriented mentally. I am not having panic attacks or anything of that sort, but I was just experiencing almost no drive to do anything at all. When this state of mind occurs, I usually begin to ask myself questions like: “If capitalism did not exist, who would I be?” or “Am I enjoyable to be around?” A lot of self-deprecating questions. What I find interesting is that the thoughts are able to go away when I take walks in the sunlight.

It is almost as if my body is telling me to “touch grass” or something. Additionally, if I do not take actions necessary to get out of this state, I will roll back to the damaging habits I worked to leave behind like doom scrolling on TikTok. It is like the old me is trying to steer me back to our comfort zone. Of course, I cannot and will not allow myself to fall down to that level again. They say life begins when you step out of your comfort zone, you know.

I have noticed two more things that happen to me simultaneously when I am mentally disoriented is that all responsibilities I juggle begin to take a back seat in my life, and that any/all new information I receive turns into brown noise. One positive thing I will say about being in this state is that I become aware of what part of me I need to work on. Now, it is one thing to acknowledge the problem, but it is another thing to do something about it.

For the longest, I have always thought of going to see a therapist. Doing so would allow me to gain a different perspective on how I lived my life up until now, what this means, and how I can do better going forward. The only thing stopping me is just finding the right therapist because I have had friends tell me their bad experiences with them. Some will say you have to be careful what you say because they have the police on speed-dial. Although, I don’t believe it will get to that point, I still have to be cautious. 

When I think about actions that will benefit me, I can’t help but think how they will also benefit others around me. By going to the gym, one can live a healthier lifestyle, but it can also be used to protect the things/people they have worked to build. By going to therapy, one can uncover the bad behaviors they knowingly or unknowingly commit and take the appropriate steps to resolving them. It can also be done to be a more enjoyable person to be around. Those examples have a positive effect on one’s self and others. I think one should use discernment when looking to apply this type of mindset in their life. Another thing I want to add is that everytime I get into this way of thinking, I always ask myself, “Am I doing too much?” or “Maybe I should chill out.” Then, somehow, I will stumble upon the song ‘Jewelry’ by Blood Orange. Specifically, the first stanza by Janet Mock. She said 

“People try to put us down by saying “She’s doing the most,” or “He’s way too much.” But, like, why would we want to do the least?”

Janet Mock

That’s really the million-dollar question. Why would I want to do the least? There is only one go at life, why hesitate or sike yourself out of doing what you want? Granted, there is a time and place for sitting down and weighing your options, but an easy way to see if something is viable or worth your time is by doing it. Sitting down and thinking “what if” is an easy way to waste your life away. That’s enough life coaching for one post, I shall leave you all with the song of the blog. Enjoy “Jewelry” by Blood Orange.