(Sitting Chair in the MFAH, D3OL 2023)

I want to preface this blog post by saying this blog was meant to be posted on the 6th of May. Obviously, it wasn’t because it was posted today. Wrapping up with school, packing for a new opportunity, and starting a competition so please bear with me.

Browsing through social media, it is hard to ignore how popular the topic of relationships has become. Many social media accounts have dedicated themselves to providing “advice” for how one should interact with the target sex. Doing things such as:

• Not responding to a text immediately
• Posting cryptic messages on your story
• Acting nonchalant

Encouraging people to partake in various forms of manipulation will not give them what they truly desire; being wanted. This feeling can be replicated by community, but it can also be replicated by a person of interest. It could be a friend, a family member, or a lover. I think the problem is that people don’t take time to build themselves to be a person worth loving. The previous statement does sound harsh, but I think it is what needs to be said and I will further elaborate on why it was said.

For person A to love person B, person B has to allow person A to love them. The only way this can occur is if person B loves themself. Loving yourself is easier said than done. Many people have burdens that they carry with them all through life, probably believing they are not worthy of love because of it. One can only lose by holding onto this kind of limiting belief, so one should work to genuinely forgive themselves, so that self-love can begin to flourish.

Similar to many worthwhile things in life, self-love is something that will take time and effort. The ways one can go about loving themselves more is limitless but I believe one should prioritize self love from within, before the work without (get it?). Words are tools used to communicate ideas. Whether spoken or thought of, words have immense power. Sources have found that the average amount of thoughts created by humans is around 25,000 – 50,000 per day. Get this, only around 20-30% of it is actually positive. It’s kind of hard to promote an internal loving environment when most of the thoughts are critical of others or themself. 

I will say, it is much harder to love yourself if you do not know who you are. If someone were to ask you, “What do you like to do?” or “What makes you you?” Would you be able to respond? This is why it is important to spend quality time by yourself. Now, you might say “Well I spend a lot of time by myself.” I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but just being alone doesn’t count. There must be a conscious decision one must take to get to know themselves. The ways one does it can be as simple as going for a walk outside without any music. There will be nothing that can distract you, so this creates the perfect environment for one to start self-analyzing. Please note, it is okay if you do not have answers to the questions you ask yourself. This is part of the process of getting to know yourself. For example, if you ask yourself, “What do I like to do for fun?”, it is perfectly valid if you do not know. Now your objective is to find the answer to that question and the answer can only be found when you decide to expose yourself to new experiences.  

“Cogito, ergo sum” (meaning “I think therefore, I am” in English) was spoken by René Descartes, a French philosopher. Descartes used this quote to rationalize his existence. Concluding that the act of someone doubting their existence proves the person’s existence. If a negative idea is thought of, it now exists and it carries the power to alter one’s perception of themselves and others around them. This is why doing activities that reinforce bad feelings like listening to sad music when upset, or vaping are damaging to one’s psyche. People wanting to counter this will partake in activities that contribute to their happiness. This could be things such as going to museums, cleaning, and helping others.

Even with all of the previously mentioned ways of practicing self-love, one must know that progress will not happen overnight. Like most things in life, it will take time. Just know, all your efforts are for a good cause because when you can be alone and can truly appreciate your own company is when it becomes easier to welcome people into your life. Now, this does not mean that as soon as you love and respect yourself, your life will be filled with alot of people. All it means is that it becomes easier finding out who is meant to be in your life versus who isn’t.

How it becomes easier is that you become more sociable in places of interest. Striking up random conversations with strangers who share things in common with you. When one is putting in the work to create new connections, they are participating in the “abundance mindset”. Having the abundance mindset reduces a lot of stress in one’s life, and I will demonstrate with an example. We will assume you have remarkable social skills because you do. Say you are at a grocery store and you bump into another customer buying the same product as you. You try striking up conversation by mentioning y’all’s shared love for the item, but they are not showing interest in you or the conversation. If you did not have the abundance mindset, you may start to think negative thoughts like: “I probably made a fool of myself”, or “that was dumb, why did I do that?”

Now let’s assume you do have the abundance mindset, this “failed” interaction wouldn’t phase you severely. There was probably something internal happening on their end that prevented us from connecting. Maybe they aren’t in the mood to be social today or maybe they are going through a nasty breakup. You never know what someone is going through, so having the abundance mindset paired with compassion for others, can assist on one’s journey to love and be loved.

I know I have been talking about the positive things one will discover when walking the path of self-love. However, whilst you are walking this path, you should understand your mental limits and perform within them. Yes, it is important to push yourself from time to time, but if care is not taken, then one will not be able to perform at an effective level. Burnout is a great example of a lack of self-care. It stems from people trying to get more from themselves when they have reached their limit. Now, I am not a medical professional but from what I have experienced, symptoms of burnout include: irrational behavior, lapse in judgment, and fatigue. One needs time away from their obligations, so take regular breaks and step away if necessary. 

I do want to share that I am participating in a competition with a fellow artist. The competition serves as a way for us to be accountable. The way it will work is that at a regular interval, we must post a new project to our socials. Each round is a month long, so whoever has the most projects posted by the end of the round, will win the round. Of course, there will be some sort of financial “punishment” but it is moreso meant to be a fun little activity to get our creative juices flowing. We will be weary not to take it too seriously, so that we don’t burnout. With that being said, today’s song gives off calm vibes, so I think it would be beneficial to those who need time off from their obligations. This blog’s song recommendation is “Estate” by Joāo Gilberto.