Ever since I have gotten back to Houston from Dallas, I have been experiencing new things that I believe are bringing me towards my ideal lifestyle. I am crediting God for this because many of the opportunities would not have been given to me, if not for God. It started two weeks ago when I went to DreamCon with my best friend to be a volunteer. I was mainly working in the cosplay department (surprisingly, my nose wasn’t assaulted by “battle stenches”) as that was my assigned department for the entire convention. The entire time, I was working alongside a well-known cosplay photographer named Ejen Chuang.

We conversed during the free time we had, and he was telling me how he’s been doing cosplay photography for a good portion of his life. I thoroughly enjoyed talking to him about his experiences in this field and he gave me a variety of pointers as well as general life advice. On the final day, he gifted me with his book that he autographed for me. I want to add that before he signed my book, he asked me to follow him on Instagram. At the time (and as of August 11th), I only had one post on both of my respective accounts. I think that because of the way I presented myself and the amount of knowledge I had to bring to the conversation, it just made sense for him to assume there was work on my page. I know I am always saying “Soon, I am going to post on my accounts”, but this time will be different. I have a project I am starting very soon that I will mention towards the end of the blog.

A thought recently came to me while I was at work. I was remembering the only YouTube video I posted this year and the general theme of it. It starts out with me talking to the camera a few moments before my birthday. In the video, I just talk about how I want to be more consistent with making media, that whole jazz. I won’t give a frame by frame analysis of the video but I do want to talk about the third part of the video. In that part, there are the words “I don’t know what I am doing” that presents itself on the screen. When I remembered that I did this, I seriously asked myself, “Why don’t I believe I know what I am talking about?” Most of the people in my close circle can attest that I have detailed knowledge on specific subjects, so why is it when I use my knowledge for something that can only directly benefit me, all of a sudden, “I don’t know what I am talking about.” I am realizing that I may be doing this because when I use my knowledge for other peoples’ benefit, I do not directly have to deal with the consequences of the guidance I have given. As I continue to grow older and experience new things, I value my time more and more. The way I am doing this is by slowly surrounding myself with like-minded people, reading the plentiful books I have in my collection, and focusing on the weak points of my character and refining those aspects.

I can recall a specific time someone else noticed this oxymoronic behavior from me. The question came from my photography mentor. I was working as an apprentice for my former youth leader, and we had done a good number of gigs together. One day, he asked me why I give good suggestions on how a client should pose or where to move the lighting but when it is time for me to get behind the camera, the quality doesn’t match. Even thinking about my answer, it seems I always knew why I did that. I explained to him that when I am giving him suggestions whilst assisting him, I do not have to worry about the outcome because if it does not work out, he is there to “fix” the issue. Even as I am writing this, I am realizing that most of the self-doubt I have for myself could be fixed if I just did the work. Based on the recent realizations I have been having, I can see how one can spiral into a self-diagnosis trap. One will search up “Why am I lightheaded when I stand up really fast.” and they’ll come out thinking they have ADHD, cancer, and ligma. The reason why I bring this up is because I recall wanting to start a project but was more eager to see who I could work alongside with. Almost as if it was required for other people to be there for any work to be done. It gets stranger because I don’t study around other people when it comes to my academics.

Moving on, while I was volunteering for DreamCon, I bumped into one of the stage production workers. Had some small talk and I brought up that stage production is something I may be interested in. The worker I spoke to gives me a XLR cable and asks me “How do you wrap this cable?” I wrap it up the only way I knew how and immediately he stops me, talking about “That’s wrong. When you can learn to tie a cable, you can get a job.” After he says this, he takes the cable and proceeds to do it the “right way”. When I tell you, watching him do it and trying to do it myself was breaking my mind. I included a video that demonstrates the ideal way to tie a cable.

Fast forward to the 9th of August, I work my first stage production gig. They didn’t have much for me to do, so the people around me were just giving me advice on the entire industry. I don’t think I have ever had that amount of new words thrown at me in such a short period of time. Tetanus shot, DANTE certification, Per diem, down stage, etc. I’m thankful that the workers weren’t gatekeeping the information. After they had told me everything they felt I needed to know, I started thinking to myself if this is something I could do long term. The main reason I took this position in the first place was because I wanted to expose myself to as much “relevant” experience as I can. I think it is important for one to expose themselves to as many different experiences as they can possibly keep up with. That way, they can make a proper assessment for which path will be the best option. Additionally, one is building networks with other people in those industries. This makes it much easier in the future to pivot again if it is necessary.

I am grateful for all the opportunities that have been bestowed unto me but I can’t help but think if I am doing too much and if it will all pay off. I say this because success is knowing what works and doing enough work to reap the benefits. All of the sectors I am working in have the potential to make good money but every time an opportunity presents itself to move up, it ends up being a scheduling conflict with the other. I’m not as religious as I’d like to be but I understand what the message Matthew 6:24 was trying to communicate.

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon [riches].”

Matthew 6:24 KJV

It’s obvious that one cannot properly fear God if they make money their number one priority. It becomes less clear if/when this applies to opportunities in life. People always say that you can’t do two things at the same time, but over the past few years, I have been obsessed with the idea of being proficient in multiple things. No matter how many times I hear people say it,

I just want to prove to myself that it is possible.

My creative works. They are definitely progressing. This past Thursday, I and a couple of my other friends went out for the sole purpose of trying a new burger spot. ⅔ people were there but the third one was running behind (I was one of the 2 people because I am HV and always on time). My best friend and I saw this record store across the street from where we parked and decided to check it out while we waited for our last friend. The store was called Cactus Records and it was filled with a whole bunch of music-related things (obviously). So, we are walking around, and we get to the “Sale” section. That’s when we got the idea to start a project.

The idea is both of us will go to the section, find a cd that we think the other will like and buy it for them, swap CDs, and sample the CDs into songs. The project will occur once a month, the contestants will have one week to complete the challenge, and the songs will be posted on the following Sunday. The caveat is that the process needs to be documented publicly. We officially start today, so by next Sunday, the finished results will be displayed on the website dedicated to the project. We decided that the name of the project will be called 97 Cactus. 97 because the first CDs we bought were each $2.97. Cactus because that is the name of the record store where it all started. I’m excited for the project because it is forcing me to use software and technologies I was eager to learn anyways. I’ll wrap up by talking about the CD that was chosen for me. I will be using Fever In, Fever Out by Luscious Jackson and I will be using the first song (which is absolute heat) for this post’s song. I am also excited to be starting The Artist’s Way with the successful artist I think I mentioned in one of my previous posts. I am honestly excited to see where the book will take us because essentially, I am starting at 0 whilst the artist is starting at…. Not 0. Of course, updates will be given so stay tuned!